So You Know, Whoever You Are

So whoever's reading this knows, I'll primarily be writing on my other blog: http://melted-sunshine.blogspot.com

:)

So You Know, Whoever You Are

So whoever's reading knows, I'll primarily writing on my other blog: http://melted-sunshine.blogspot.com

:)

Molto Bello La Tua

Although it's kind of muddy italian, it is one of the nicest compliments I've ever gotten. :)
I just thought I'd share that.

Everything Relating to The Boy

I hate nostalgia sometimes. It creeps into my skin and regenerates, alters me. Like a virus. And sometimes it's the worst feeling in the world. Like when I was in a relationship. The most fun I had with him was before we were even dating. He came to homecoming with me. It was so innocent, new, happy, curious. He was the Supreme Ruler of Sarcasm and I was the Queen.
I miss that. Once we started to date, things went downhill fast. Two weeks in, cheated on me. Three months in, he told me about it. Four months in, he didn't want me anymore. He didn't even have the decency to end it. No, I had to because he was "50/50". I felt thrown out like a paper towel. This leaves me so lost. This song played and made me think of this whole situation:

You're not sure that you love me
But you're not sure enough to let me go
Baby it ain't fair, you know
To just keep me hanging 'round

You say you don't want to hurt me
Don't want to see my tears
So why are you still standing here
Just watching me drown?

And it's alright, yeah I'll be fine
Don't worry about this heart of mine
Just take your love and hit the road

There's nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go

Now you can drag out the heartache
Baby you can make it quick
Really get it over with
And just let me move on

Don't concern yourself
With this mess you left for me
I can clean it up, you see
Just as long as you're gone

And it's alright, yeah I'll be fine
Don't worry about this heart of mine
Just take your love and hit the road

There's nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go

You're not making up your mind
It's killing me and wasting time
I need so much more than that
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

And it's alright, yeah I'll be fine
Don't worry about this heart of mine
Just take your love and hit the road

There's nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go
Leave the pieces when you go
Oh yeah, leave the pieces when you go

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, yeah
Leave the pieces when you go


This makes me cry, because it's exactly how the cheating went:


It's strange to think the songs we used to sing
The smiles, the flowers, everything: is gone
Yesterday I found out about you
Even now just looking at you: feels wrong
You say that you'd take it all back, given one chance
It was a moment of weakness and you said yes...

[Chorus:]

You should've said no, you should've gone home
You should've thought twice before you let it all go
You should've know that word, bout what you did with her
Would get back to me...
And I should've been there, in the back of your mind
I shouldn't be asking myself why
You shouldn't be begging for forgiveness at my feet...
You should've said no, baby and you might still have me

You can see that I've been crying
And baby you know all the right things: to say
But do you honestly expect me to believe
We could ever be the same...
You say that the past is the past, you need one chance
It was a moment of weakness and you said yes...

[Repeat Chorus]

I can't resist... before you go, tell me this
Was it worth it...
Was she worth this...

No... no no no...

[Repeat Chorus]


Tissues have become a necessity in my life lately. And I absolutely hate admiting how weak I am. Because he was right, I should figure stuff out.
He was also right about me being self-concious. But it's not like he did anything to help that, did he?

Just Talk

I talked to the guy I used to date today and I wish I hadn't. Because we still talk the same. Except now he calls me dude instead of honey. And he still doesn't know how much I miss him.

So...

I didn't get field commander.

Life as of 4.23.10

This is what has been happening in my life:

- Trying out for field commander (drum major). It's been going okay other than the fact that I'm up against four friends and I want to cheer them on, but also hoping for their downfall. It's stressful and I think I'll be happy once auditions are over.

- Trying out for show choir. It's less stressful, because I've been in it, so whatever.

- Hoping I remain interesting before someone else leaves me behind. That's what happened with my boyfriend when we broke up, even though he didn't say it.

- My boyfriend and I broke up. It sucks and I don't know what to think. We haven't talked for a few days, which is giving me time, but I hate it. To be honest, I didn't see any problems with us. But he did. Even though my feelings still haven't changed, I think he's moved on away from me already which feels terribly sad. I'm lonier than I pretend to be, which feels silly when our relationship mostly consisted of a name on my phone screen. I hide what I'm feeling although everytime I hear a sad song, I file it away in my head to add to a breakup playlist on my iPod later. I know it might seem silly to be this confused with a relationship that only lasted about four months, but I really like him. (This subject has lasted longer than intended)

- Finishing some writing for our writing club finale meeting. I haven't written actual pieces except deeply depressing poems in a while and I need to drack down on it.

- Dealing with everybody leaving this year. So many friends are graduating and I might give them a little something.

- Finding something to do other than wallow in self-pity while everyone else goes to prom. Someone tried to find me a date, but kept suggesting sophomores or weirdies. Sigh. I don't like this whole... me thing.

-Dealing with what I want. Everything is so twisted and confusing lately and I hate it. I was talking with someone last night while I was really insecure about field commander stuff. She said, "I'll love you no matter what." The thing is, I can't say the same about me. I don't love ME no matter what. And that's a big problem.



Well, I have auditions tonight. Wish me luck!